Text Speak

Jesus wept this gets on my tit end!

I can put up with the truncation of certain words, "Cos" instead of "Because" for example, and "Gonna" instead of "Going To". What i can't abide however is the way that people (some call them arseholes) seem to forget that there are vowels in the alphabet.

"duz ne1 no if dat gm is cumin out dis munth?"

The word MONTH and MUNTH have the same amount of letters you fucking idiot. Honestly its like getting a dog to ice skate sometimes when addressing these cretins.

Another great idea is incorporating numbers with the words

h8trs, m8, 4evea..... seriously? Are you a child?

Most of the time it looks like you've have some sort of fucking seizure all over your keyboard. I could imagine though that it might well be your fucking dribble getting in the keys and shorting it.

I'd also like to add a special mention to those people who seem to elongate words without knowing it. Particularly the way the word "Ask" is turned into "Arske" within certain ethnic communities. Stop it, just stop it right now. You're not from the Bronx, or Harlem or anywhere like that, so stop trying to be all gangstarrrrrrrr and get yourself a Speak & Spell that will teach you how to talk properly.

This post was brought to you today by the letters A,E,I,O and U - LEARN THEM!

Compare-the-fucking-meerkat.com

This really is a 2 fold hatred. Firstly, its a shit advert. The whole basis of which is hinged on the similarity between the words market and meerkat. The fact that these 2 words are not similar in how they sound is not an issue though, as they've computer generated a Russian meerkat, complete with terrible accent, to cover up this oversight. You honestly couldn't make this shit up.

The second part of my gripe comes from the extensive use of the word "simples" from this advert. Sometimes you wish the grammar police carried machete's. The word "simple" is singular, it never has or never will be plural, and despite this fact, you sound like a fucking retard when you say it. its about as cool as having "The Crazy Frog" as your ringtone. ZANY!!!!

And to top it off, the funny people at comparethemarket.com have designed a sister site actually called comparethemeerkat.com. If you ever fancy dying a slow death from boredom, or realise that your life has no fulfillment and purpose, go take a look. Find me one who can say the word "Simples"...... And if you do, its time to call the circus, cos you're looking at some serious cash there sunshine.